


To Love Completely

by Tmar22



Category: Revolution (TV)
Genre: Angst, Friendship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-13
Updated: 2014-05-14
Packaged: 2018-01-24 15:18:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1609781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tmar22/pseuds/Tmar22
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The relationship between Miles Matheson and Bass Monroe was never easy.  Saying goodbye shouldn't be easy either.  AU of the ending of "Tomorrowland."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Without Complete Understanding

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place at the end of 2x20 "Tomorrowland." There may be future chapters, depending upon how the writers treat these characters in the final two episodes.

_Each one of us here today will, at one time in our lives, look upon a loved one who is in need and ask the same question. "We are willing to help, Lord, but what, if anything, is needed?" It is true we can seldom help those closest to us. Either we don't know what part of ourselves to give or more often than not, the part we have to give is not wanted. And so it is those we live with and should know who elude us, but we can still love them. We can love completely, without complete understanding._

A River Runs Through It

 

***

“You lied to me…” Rage surged through Bass. Words were said, but Bass was more aware of the physical contact. Shoving Miles was a more eloquent expression of his feelings than any words. But the shoving didn’t help, and the anger began to give way to an endless, familiar internal narrative of self-doubt and self-hatred. Conned. Betrayed. Chump.

As the haze of rage began to clear, Bass tried to understand. “You said you wanted to win.”

“I did. And I will. But we’re not going to use gas. We’re not going to kill innocent people. We’re the good guys.”

Still disbelieving. “Rachel is so far up your ass…”

Miles’ tone was harsh. Condescending. “Oh no no no, this doesn’t have anything to do with Rachel. This is about you and me. I tried it your way, all the way to Philly. Look how well that worked out.”

Bass suddenly understood. He had been played a fool a lot longer than one afternoon. This Miles wasn’t going to help him rebuild the Republic. This was the Miles who held a gun on him in the power plant and denied that they were brothers. Still, he weakly protested. “I told you, its different now.”

“No, its not. You’re going to keep making the same brutal mistakes, pushing away or killing the people who care about you, and you’re going to end up alone. You know why? Because you haven’t changed.”

It’s you who hasn’t changed, Bass thought. “You’re wrong. You’re wrong.”

“Stay. Go. I don’t care. This time, we’re gonna do it my way.”

 

Bass watched Miles enter the cabin with Rachel, turn his back, and shut the door. His face unreadable, Bass turned and stalked into the woods. Without comment, Connor followed.

 

****

At sunrise the next day, Miles sat on a log next to a dying fire, poking the embers. Even though he was still exhausted from his ordeal in the basement, he hadn’t slept, partly because he was worried about a Patriot attack, partly because he was worried about a Monroe attack, and partly because his mind was reeling. When he agreed to help Bass steal the mustard gas, it was intended as a stalling mechanism until he calmed down. It evolved into a double-cross that, while advancing their cause by turning Marian, also cost him two of his best fighters. Just one more regret in the history of his relationship with Sebastian Monroe. After his temper had cooled, Miles had realized that Bass had asked for his help earlier that day, asked him to be his partner again, and Miles’ response had essentially been to spit on any spark of friendship and trust remaining between them. He should have dragged Bass away before their fight, not humiliated him further in front of his son. He should have waited until Bass calmed down to try to talk him out of his plans, instead of conspiring with Gene and Rachel to play him for a fool.

But Miles Matheson was tired. Tired of trying to keep everyone alive, and do the right thing, and serve as eternal mediator between Rachel and Gene, and Bass. Laying on that basement floor, Miles decided that he wanted to live. He wanted to atone, and he could only do that by taking care of Rachel and Charlie. Bass was a big boy. He could join the Mathesons, on their terms, or not. But Miles just couldn’t afford to care about Bass too. It was exhausting.

Miles heard a rustling at the tree line. Damn. He had been so lost in his thoughts that he hadn’t heard Bass approach. “What do you want, Bass? Have you and Connor decided to become good guys?” The sarcastic tone of Miles’ question clearly suggested that he thought that was unlikely.

Bass looked at Miles for a moment, unsurprised but briefly taken aback by his bitter tone. He laughed, sadly. “I think that ship sailed a long time ago, brother. I am what I am, whatever that is.” Bass’s rough, lazy voice suggested that he had also forgone sleep that night. “I just want to finish our conversation.”

“It is finished. I told you that we aren’t doing it your way this time – we’re doing it my way. If you’re here to say you’re on board with that – great – but if not, you and your kid can march off and get a jump on that Second Coming.”

Bass paused, then walked over to the fire and sat down next to Miles. The men sat in silence for several minutes, each prodding the embers.

Impatient, Miles finally looked at Bass and snapped. “What? What do you want …” His question dropped as he saw the red rimmed eyes. Bass wasn’t here to fight. Chastened, he looked back at the fire.

Bass began to quietly speak. “You know, Miles, I’ve known you longer than I’ve known anyone else who is still left alive. My whole life, you’ve been my brother. You’ve saved my life more times than I can count. I’ve saved your life, more times than I can count.” He took a deep breath. “After the Blackout, I had no idea what to do. I had no ambition. That was all you, Miles. You are the one who wanted to make the world a better place, not me. Once we stopped wandering and started putting down roots in that camp … once I met Shelly, well, I just wanted to settle down and raise fat, happy babies. I wanted you to meet someone who wasn’t your sister-in-law and settle down next to us. We could raise our kids in peace and do our best in one little corner of the world.”

Bass paused, clearly struggling to find the right words. “And when I lost her, I know, I lost … everything. My sanity, for a while, but most importantly, hope. I didn’t care if I lived or died … I just didn’t care about anything. And I did a lot of things that I’m not proud of. And you…”

Bass turned and looked at Miles, his eyes blazing. “ _You_.” He poked Miles in the chest, then turned his gaze back to the fire. “Were right there with me. You and Rachel can make up some fantasy past where you weren’t the Butcher of Baltimore, where you didn’t bring her to Philly and keep her away from her family for years, but _you_ know that is complete bullshit.”

“Bass … I …”

“No. Shut up. You’re done with me? Fine. But I get to say my piece before I go. After more than forty years, you owe me that.” Bass looked at Miles, who nodded.

“Here’s the thing, Miles. I’ve been tearing myself up for years trying to understand why you left me … why you tried to kill me in the middle of the night and then abandoned me without explanation. Last night you said that I pushed people that I love away. You know, that’s what Jeremy said too – right before I had him shot for a betrayal that he didn’t commit.”

Miles looked at Bass, surprised to hear of the fate of their mutual friend, and Bass’ casual confession of his murder.

“Jeremy was the only thing that kept me functional after you left. So yes, I pushed him away. And on a long list of regrets, that’s near the top. But the rest, Miles? Explain to me how I have destroyed the people who cared about me? Was the car accident my fault? You’re going to blame me for Shelly’s death? I take responsibility for Emma, and I confessed it all to Connor, but don’t forget that it was one of your men that pulled that trigger Miles. And I didn’t push my son away, Miles – you stole him from me and hid him. And ever since I’ve found him, I’ve been fighting like hell to protect him and give him _something_.”

Bass stood suddenly and kicked the logs. His anger was clearly building. Miles didn’t flinch.

“So, I still don’t know why you betrayed me _the first time_ , and the best I’ve gotten from you in the past six months is that you decided that I wasn’t your brother anymore, and that I was beyond hope of changing. But when Charlie and I showed up in Willoughby, you let me stay. You mourned when you thought I died. You came to save me from that jail in Mexico. And we had some laughs together. I forgave you for abandoning me, and for lying about Connor. I _forgave_ you. And then last night … Last night, you might as well have stuck a gun to my head again. We’re right back where we were, Miles."

Bass took a long, deep breath. “Once again, you are throwing me away without any explanation.”

“Bass … come on, you wanted to use mustard gas on the town…”

“And if you thought that was a bad idea, you could have had a fucking conversation with me and tried to talk me out of it Miles. We had just lost 20 guys. I was pissed. Maybe I was being a little rash, but that’s what I do – I overreact and you are the voice of reason and reel me back in. But this one time … _this_ was the final straw?”

Miles, acknowledging the truth in his statement, couldn’t meet Bass’ gaze.

Bass straightened his shoulders and looked towards the trees. “I can’t do this anymore, Miles. You’re the only person left who has ever loved me, who has ever thought that I could be more than the monster everyone still thinks I am. And if you have given up on me… again… finally… then …” Bass slowly gripped his sword handle and looked at Miles. The men stared at each other for a long moment, and then Bass slowly removed his hand and relaxed his arm by his side. His face reflected that he’d arrived at a decision. “If I didn’t have my kid and his future to worry about … this time I think I’d just kill you and then kill myself. Because really, Miles, what is the point? If I’m irredeemable …”

“Bass … what do you want me to say?”

“I know I sound like a pathetic teenage girl that keeps asking you why you dumped me … and you know what? I’m done. I accept it. We’re done.” Bass started walking away and then abruptly stopped. He did not turn to look at Miles. “I love you, you grumpy bastard. I’ve loved you my whole life, better than anyone else, probably, and you broke my heart. I suppose I must have broke yours too, and I’ll never know how. Maybe I never had it to begin with. But I hope that whatever you’re looking for, you find it with Rachel and Charlie. Connor and I are going to head east. And maybe we’ll recapture the Monroe Republic, and maybe we’ll die tomorrow. But it won’t be by your side, and it won’t be at your hand.” Bass paused, then finally turned his gaze to Miles. “You’ve given up on me, but I’m not going to give up on myself yet. As long as Connor is alive, I have something to fight for.”

Bass turned his back on Miles and resumed walking. As he was about to disappear into the brush, Miles finally spoke, his voice cracking with emotion.

“I’m sorry, Bass. I’m sorry … I’m sorry for everything.  I know.  I _know_.  I love you too.  Always have.  That _never_ changes.”

Miles and Bass looked at each other for a long moment, and then nodded their last goodbyes.

 

Charlie leaned back against the tree where she had sat, listening, and thought about the past, the future, and complicated men.


	2. It'd Be Simpler If I Could Just Hate Him.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlie has a chat with Miles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the words of encouragement after Chapter 1. I had to get this chapter finished and up before "Memorial Day" airs tonight and destroys my happy AU feels.
> 
> The chapter title is from one of my favorite Buffy eps:
> 
> BUFFY: “It'd be simpler if I could just hate him. I think he wanted me to. I think it made it easier for him. Be the bad guy. The villain of the piece. But really, he was scared.”
> 
> GILES: “I suppose he was.”
> 
> BUFFY: “You known it's just, like, nothing's simple. I'm always trying to work it out. Who to hate, or love … who to trust… it's like the more I know, the more confused I get. … [D]oes it ever get easy?”
> 
> GILES: “You mean life?”
> 
> BUFFY: “Yeah. Does it get easy?”
> 
> GILES: “What do you want me to say?”
> 
> BUFFY: “Lie to me.”
> 
> GILES: “Yes. It's terribly simple.The good-guys are stalwart and true. The bad-guys are easily distinguished by their pointy horns or black hats and we always defeat them and save the day. Nobody ever dies…and everybody lives happily ever after.”
> 
> BUFFY: “Liar.”

Charlie gave Miles a few hours to process his conversation with Bass before she sought him out. She found him cleaning his weapons in a corner of the yard.

Dragging an old chair to a position near his, she languidly sat and tilted the chair back. “So … Monroe and Junior are gone for good?” 

Miles didn’t look up at her. “Yeah.”

“Well, I can’t say that I’m not a little pissed that they didn’t say goodbye. Where did they go?” 

“Off on some crusade to rally the Militia and retake the Republic.” Miles spit the words.

“Huh.” Charlie pretended to absorb this information, rocking her chair back and forth. “And what do you think about that?” 

Miles looked at her sharply. “What the fuck Charlie? Is this a therapy session or something? Did you seriously just ask me how I _feel_ about Bass leaving?”

Charlie settled the chair and looked thoughtfully at Miles. “Actually, I just asked you what you _think_ about them restarting the Republic. As in, do you think that is a good strategy or a bad strategy?” 

Miles flushed, just a bit, and turned back to his work. “Oh. Um… I don’t know. I can’t imagine that it’ll turn out any differently this time. Maybe worse. He’s the same reckless, brutal bastard he’s always been, but now he has a kid to impress.”

“But you think that they can do it? They can re-form the Militia and re-establish a government?” 

Miles thought for a moment. “Yes. I think they can do it. Bass … he has a way with people. He … seduces them. And things have just been getting worse since the Republic and Georgia fell. He can fill the void and turn the people against the Patriots.” Miles paused. “Yes. They can do it.”

Charlie let Miles think about the implications of his words for a few moments. “Well Miles, if you think that they can restart the Republic and that it won’t turn out any better this time … why did you let them walk away?" 

Miles looked at Charlie, clearly not expecting that question. “What? What do you mean?”

“I mean that if you think you’re going to have to try to kill him again, you might as well do it now before he has a chance to kill hundreds or thousands of more innocent people. It’ll be easier to do it now than when he’s back in a presidential palace, surrounded by guards.” 

Miles paled slightly. “I don’t know. I didn’t say anything about killing him.”

“Right.” 

“Right, what?”

“All I’m saying is that either you think that they can’t retake the Republic or they can. And if they can, either it’ll be different or it won’t. You just said they _can_ retake it and that it _won’t_ be different. That puts us right back where we were when I found you in Chicago. And what I’m asking you is, if you thought that the only solution then was to kill him, why that isn’t even something that you’re thinking about now.” 

Miles glared at his niece. “What is your point, Charlie?”

“My point is that you shouldn’t have let them go. One way or another. And if you had asked me, I would have said that we should continue to partner with them to defeat the Patriots here and then see where it goes.” 

Miles stood angrily. “See where it goes? I’ve _seen_ where it goes, Charlie. It ends up with innocent people dead. With your father, and brother, and Nora, and Maggie dead. You want to partner with Monroe? To restart the Republic? Are you _kidding_ me?”

Charlie stood and placed her hand on her uncle’s arm. “Miles, sit down. Please.” Eventually, Miles and Charlie both sat, lost in their own thoughts. 

“Do you know why I brought Monroe to Willoughby in the first place, Miles?”

Miles shrugged. “He saved your life.” 

“He did. But that isn’t why I brought him back. I actually tried to kill him, a second time, the night after he saved my life.”

Miles raised his eyebrows. 

“I brought him back because he showed me the wanted posters from the Patriots for you and Mom. I brought him back because after I calmed down, I realized that we needed him more than I hated him. And you knew it too, Miles. You kept arguing that we needed him. You went with him to Mexico to make sure he came back. You sent me to New Vegas with him to make sure he came back. So, the Patriots aren’t gone, Miles. If anything, we’re in a worse position now then we were then. So what’s changed? Why don’t we need him anymore?”

“Because Charlie, his kind of help comes at too high of a cost. His kind of help gets innocent people killed, and I’m not willing to make those kinds of sacrifices anymore. It doesn’t do any good to survive if we lose our souls in the process.” 

Charlie thought for a few moments and then replied in a quiet voice. “Jason Neville was innocent, Miles. That boy from Willoughby who tried to kill the president in Austin was innocent. They didn’t ask the Patriots to brainwash them and program them to be killers. Did you do the wrong thing by killing that kid? Did I do the wrong thing by killing Jason?”

Miles turned and grabbed Charlie’s hands. “No, Charlie. No! You did the only thing that you could have done. You did what you had to do. And so did I. We didn’t have a choice. But you and I ask that question – _ask_ whether it is right or wrong. Bass is way too comfortable with collateral damage. And that’s never going to change.” 

“How many people have I killed since I found you in Chicago, Miles? How many have you killed? What are their stories? Did they have families that loved them? Kids and sisters and brothers who mourned them?”

Miles dropped Charlie’s hands. “We can’t think that way, Charlie. I know that we have blood on our hands. I _know_ that all the things that Bass is guilty of, I am too, but the difference is that I’m _trying_ to be a better man and he doesn’t even understand that he needs to. You know what the difference is, Charlie? The difference is _you_. You have been my conscience. You and your Mom have helped show me how I can be a better man.” Miles met Charlie’s eyes, begging her to understand. 

“You know, Miles, when we were on the road to rescue Danny, there were times when I asked you to not kill someone, and you argued with me and told me that I was naïve.”

“Exactly! But I eventually listened, didn’t I? I listened to you and then started listening to my own conscience again.” 

“Yes, you did. But here’s the thing, Miles. When I was first bringing Monroe to Willoughby, after I tried to kill him the first time and before he saved my life, he wanted to kill this bounty hunter that had captured us …”

Miles cocked an eyebrow at her. 

“Long story. Look, the point is that he wanted to kill the bounty hunter and I told him not to. And you know what happened, Miles?”

Miles shook his head. 

“He _listened_ , Miles. He didn’t kill the guy who had tracked him, chained him, and nearly killed him. He didn’t kill him because I asked him not to.”

“Well sure, but he was trying to impress you, Charlie …” 

“Okay, then how about when we were in the school, when Aaron burned all the Patriots. We were pinned down and he had a clear exit out of the building and out of danger. He didn’t take it, Miles. He came back and saved my life _again_. He could have let me die and saved himself and you would have never known. But he came back.”

“What’s your point, Charlie? You think that Bass has changed?” 

“I don’t know if he’s changed or not. I really don’t. But I don’t think that’s important.”

Miles looked at her with disbelief. 

“Hear me out. When we first went to rescue Danny, I was young and stupid. I thought that the world was divided into good guys and bad guys. The bad guys had killed my Dad and taken Danny and the good guys were going to stop them and make everything right. But you know what I’ve figured out since then? A lot of the decisions that you and Monroe made – including, by the way, taking Mom and trying to force her to turn the power back on – I may not _agree_ with what you did or how you did it, but I _understand_ it. Monroe didn’t want Dad dead. Yeah, he sent the guys who did it, but that isn’t what he wanted. And he didn’t care enough me or Danny to want Danny dead. He wanted to stop the rebels from killing his Militia. In his mind, Miles, _we_ were the bad guys. We were the ones threatening the people that he was trying to protect. Don’t you see?”

Miles shook his head slowly. “No Charlie, I really don’t.” 

“Okay, let me ask you this. Has Monroe ever betrayed you?”

“What do you mean?” 

“Well, if he said he had your back, did he ever slink away to save himself instead of you? Has he told you that he was going to do something important and then didn’t do it?”

Miles thought for several long moments. “Besides sleeping with my fiancé when I was passed out drunk, no, Bass has never betrayed me.” 

“He’s never betrayed me either. He’s never betrayed any of us. Once he decided that he was on our side, that he was going to protect us, he has had our backs. Miles, when he got captured by the Patriots and Texas, don’t you think he could have sold us out to save his own life?”

“Maybe …” 

“But I never worried about that for a second. Did you?”

Miles shook his head. 

“Exactly. Because I know that if it came right down to it, he would take a bullet for you every time. He’d take a bullet for Connor. He’d take a bullet for me. Maybe not for Mom…”

Miles laughed darkly. 

“What I’m trying to say, Miles, is that he may not have changed, but that one thing that hasn’t changed is his loyalty to you and this family. One thing that hasn’t changed is that he’s willing to die to protect the people that he cares about. And sometimes we don’t like his methods, but he has also shown us that if you and I push back on him, he backs down from the crazy.”

Miles sighed. “So what, Charlie. What is it that you’re asking me to do? You want me to go get those two and bring them back, tell them that want to be partners with them and re-build the Republic?” 

“Yes.”

“ _What_? I was joking!” 

“That’s exactly what I want you to do, Miles. We still need him and it _will_ be different this time. It will be different because you and I won’t let him get out of control, and I think Connor is more like us than he is like Monroe. We could run off into Mexico or California, hide from the Patriots and the Monroes, but we wouldn’t be happy, knowing that we had the power to stop them and we didn’t. You want to save your soul, and mine? Then we have to use our power to help people, not just to help ourselves.”

“I thought you said you _used_ to be naïve, Charlie. Jesus.” 

“I’m not being naïve, Miles. I know that we could all die tomorrow. But at least we’d die doing the right thing. And that includes doing the right thing by Monroe. He has made some awful decisions, and he may not have changed, but he’s our family. He’s our family and we need to forgive him.”

Miles and Charlie sat in mutual silence while they both mulled over her arguments. 

“Shit, Charlie.  Your Mom is _not_ going to like this.”

 


End file.
